Today I woke up to my three babies, sleeping in my bed. One (Eve) was laying at the head of my bed across the pillows. One (Gage) was laying across my legs and the baby was laying as close to me as she could get, with one leg propped up on my back. I laid there for a second thinking about how it was my birthday & how I was a bit sad that my day had nothing special planned. Ryan was working all week in saginaw & I had the kids. I started to throw a little internal pity party...then as I was laying there...I looked at the three little bodies draped every which way across me. They have a way of putting everything into perspective. There are so many people in this world that would give anything to have 3 happy, healthy babies with them, loving them like they love me. I fell back asleep, with a sense of thankfulness. Then woke up to 3 kids jumping up "its your birfday mommy"...."happy berrfday mommy"...."where is your cake?" They were so excited to celebrate me! Probably even more excited to eat cake. It was cute.
We had a quiet day of house cleaning, dishes, laundry, grocery shopping, etc. My sister(s) came over with their babies & Olivia bought me (with her own babysitting money) a cherry cheesecake (my favorite)! It was so sweet of her. She even sang to me. She has such a loving heart for others. It meant a lot to me!
Liv decided to give me a birthday gift as well. She just decided she no longer wanted or needed to wear a diaper. For any mom who has gone through the work of potty training...I'm sure they can appreciate what a true gift this is. She went a day and a half now with only one minor accident. Big girl undies all day!! I'm so proud. In a way, its a sad milestone. Yeah, not really "sad" but, with her being my last baby...its weird to think I'll never do diapers again. I'm actually super happy to say that. But, I'm seeing how I am entering another season of life (who came up with that term?). No more little babies and now on to raising little people. They have opinions (esp my girls) & attitudes & ambitions & love learning and growing. I'm now responsible not just to take care of them, but to shape them into people. Teach them right and wrong. Teach them about this big, crazy world. The do's and dont's. The love and hate of good and evil. Its so scary. Its so beyond me. I have to remind myself I am not in this alone. The success or failure of my parenting doesn't depend on just my ability to get it right. Whew. I'm pretty happy about that...and extrememly thankful. I feel very inadequate at times quite honestly. I think some parents like to pretend they have it all figured out. You know the type...they have the 1, 2, 3 steps into having perfect children (note: it bugs me when people call their kids "children" instead of kids..pet peeve). I think its ok to admit we have NO idea what the heck we are doing. We're just giving it all we got. Trusting the Lord with the rest...lets just be honest. Should we "talk it through" when they defy us, or should be spank their butts? Sometimes we just do what happened to us as kids when we told our parents "no". Sometimes we do nothing, cause we don't have the energy to deal with it. We get it wrong. (I'm using "we" instead of me" to make myself feel better...in case you can't tell). I'll be the first to admit, I'm so far from being perfect. But, I'm really trying to trust that God gave me these kids. He made them. He's not going to let me fail. He loves them even more than I do. He wants what is best for them too. He's "in my corner"...rooting for their success.
So...I think its quite obvious after today, that I'm becoming more and more like my dad as I get older. He'd over analyze things. Talk about them over and over...at every single angle. We'd have a 16th birthday & he'd be talking about how "in another 16 years, we'd be 32". And, "life is short"...etc etc. I found myself doing the exact same thing today. I'm 29, but where am I going to be in another 29 years? What will my life look like in the future? How grey will my hair be? Will my skin be wrinkled? Thanks dad for your genetics of thinking too much.
I'll resist the temptation to mull over it. But, regardless of my internal pity parties I throw every now and again...I really am thankful for my life.
Where is the rest of that cheesecake...?
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